Thread for Funnies :)))
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Permalink Reply by Cathleen on
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After church one Sunday, the parish priest was chatting with his parishioners. He asked one little boy (aged 6), "So, your mother says your prayers for you each night. That's very good! What does she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God that he's in bed!"
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The Sunday School teacher said to her students, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But there is a Higher Power than them. Can anyone tell me what that is?"
One child in the back blurted out, "Aces!"
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Permalink Reply by Alan on
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So right you are Cathleen---here's a couple I swiped from gtv
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
'Daddy, what happened to him?' The son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson..
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan, you be Jesus !'
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I love the seagull one.....I can picture one of my younger kids saying that same thing! LOL
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I'm off work today so guess you'll have to hear some more jokes
GOD IS WATCHING
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.The nun made a note, "Take only one. God is watching."
Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A boy wrote a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
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ANYONE FEELING SICK? CHEER UP WITH SOME 'SICK' JOKES!This elderly gentleman took his dog to the vet and after inspecting the dog the vet said, "I hate to tell you this but your dog is dead!"The old man said, "Are you sure, he can't be dead."The vet said I have another test and he brought in a Labrador retriever that walked around the dog, sniffed and then barked. The vet said he doe not lie.The man replied, "Are you sure?"The vet said I have one more test and he brought in a cat that walked around the dog and sniffed and then meowed.The vet said that confirms my diagnosis.The old gentleman said, "How much do I owe you?"The vet replied, "$1,050. The old man said, "What?!?!?"The vet said if you had taken my first opinion it would have been $50, but there is $250 for the lab test and $750 for the catscan.
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After tucking their 3-yr-old son Sammy in his bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and that he was sure that he would die. No amount of talking was helping.
In an attempt to calm Sammy down, his father palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. The little boy was delighted. In a flash, Sammy snatched the penny from his father's hand, swallowed it and then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"
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An oldie but still pretty funny-----
The Recession has hit everybody.....
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
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You get what you pay for!
A lawyer had successfully handled a very difficult case for a wealthy client. Following the happy outcome of the case, the client / friend called on the lawyer, expressed his appreciation for his work and handed him a very handsome Moroccan leather wallet.
The lawyer looked at the wallet in astonishment and abruptly handed it back, remarking that it could not possibly compensate him for his services. "My fee for that work," he acidly snapped, "is five hundred dollars."
The client opened the wallet, took out the thousand dollar bill, replaced it with a five hundred dollar bill and handed it back to the lawyer with a smile. :-)
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