Thread for Funnies :)))

[Dawn Marie]

[Dawn Marie]

The Preacher's Widow


An Illinois man left the snow filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife was on a trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his motel in Florida, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, she let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a total faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE:
JUST GOT CHECKED IN.
EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE!!

(from gtv)

[Alan]

funny honey

[Alan]

ha!

I liked em too.

[Dawn Marie]

This was soooo cute! Thank you Cindy:)

Shirley & Marcy

A mother was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him.  She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.
So she had an idea of how to handle it.  She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.  She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
 
The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew.  She did this for the whole week.

As the two kids walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy 's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?'
 
Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.'

The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?'
 
'That's just Shirley Goodnest, 'Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.'

'Shirley Goodnest? Who is she and why is she following us?

'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much.  And in the Psalm, it says, ' Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'

[Cathleen]

HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!  That's cute!  Thanks!  :-D

[Cathleen]

Three friends were discussing how they would like to be remembered at their funerals, and what they would like said over them in their caskets.

The first man said, "I would like them to say that I was a great doctor and good family man."

The second said,  "I would like them to say that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a difference in the lives of the children he taught."

The third replied, "I would like them to say, 'Hey, look!  He's moving!' "

[Cathleen]

Two ladies sat in a coffee shop, discussing their home lives.  One lady said, "It seems like all Robert and I do any more is fight.  I've been so upset about it that I've lost fifteen pounds."

Her friend was shocked and concerned.  "Well, if it's that bad, then why don't you leave him?"

"Oh no, not yet," replied the first woman.  "I'd like to lose another ten pounds first."

[Dawn Marie]

seriously funny!

[Cathleen]

My boss was complaining in a staff meeting that he doesn't get any respect.  Later in the morning, he went to a small sign shop and purchased a sign which said "I'M THE BOSS!" and taped it to his office door.

That same day, when he got back from lunch, there was a note taped to the sign on his office door:  "Your wife called.  She wants her sign back!"

[Cathleen]

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day on the job.  The boss greeted him with a smile and a warm handshake, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I am a college graduate!" the young man said indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry.  I didn't know that," said the manager.  "Here, hand me the broom and I'll show you how to do it."

(I have a couple of college grads and two more in college now.  Believe me, they know how to use brooms!  :-)

[Cathleen]

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall which was being built on campus. 

"It's a pleasure to see a building named in honor of Ernest Hemingway," he remarked.

"Actually," said his guide, "it's named in honor of Joshua Hemingway.  No relation."

Surprised the visitor said, "Oh?  Was Joshua Hemingway also a writer?"

"Yes, indeed," said the guide.  "He wrote a check."

[Dawn Marie]

Haven't had one of these in a while...thanks to Cindy for this gem :)

 









The older you get....

ONE




Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets .

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.


'You don't?' I replied.




'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply


'So I can't order half a dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

(Unbelievable but sadly true...)





TWO

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly..

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

(keep shuddering!!)




FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'

'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

Brunette, by the way!!







SIX

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine. Then the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'


Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'