Thread for Funnies :)))

[Dawn Marie]

[Dawn Marie]

[David Kaftal]

I hope those ice cubes are made from pure spring water with no fluoride, chlorine, acid rain, volatile organic chemicals, discarded pharmaceuticals, leakage from toxic waste dumps,  giardia or other water-borne microorganisms, phosphates from fertilizer run-off, or other icky stuff in it.

[Dawn Marie]

David Kaftal said:

I hope those ice cubes are made from pure spring water with no fluoride, chlorine, acid rain, volatile organic chemicals, discarded pharmaceuticals, leakage from toxic waste dumps,  giardia or other water-borne microorganisms, phosphates from fertilizer run-off, or other icky stuff in it.

[Alley]

I Laughed sooo hard for such a long time I'm sending that to everyone I know. :) 

[David Kaftal]

Amazing 19-second video here

:•)

[Dawn Marie]

What in the world???  How did he even know how to say that?

lol

David Kaftal said:

Amazing 19-second video here

:•)

[David Kaftal]

He's Welsh! Born in Cardiff.

Dawn Marie said:

What in the world???  How did he even know how to say that?

lol

David Kaftal said:

Amazing 19-second video here

:•)

[Alley]

WOW LOL I had to replay it a few times and I still couldn't pronounce it.

[Karla Pudenz]

thanks, had a bad day,  I laughed so hard.

Alan said:

ok I'll take the bait--some puns intended

 

 

 A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
flight attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one
carrion allowed per passenger."

 

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in the craft. Unsurprisingly it immediately sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
 
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a
root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
 
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
 
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he Suffered from bad
breath. This made him (Oh man -- this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused
fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
 

[David Kaftal]

[Dawn Marie]

Courtesy of Joseph Wilson

[David Kaftal]

Two police cars were dispatched in response to a 911 call of a domestic disturbance with shot fired.  Upon arriving at the scene four officers with weapons drawn approached the residence to assess the situation. They found a man dead inside the house and his wife claimed she had shot him because he walked across her freshly mopped floor. 

One officer radioed back to the police station with a situation report:

"Sarge, this is Johnson.  Looks like we have a homicide here."

"What happened?"

"The wife says she shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor."

“That’s horrible! Have you placed her under arrest?"

"No sir, the floor is still wet."