Thread for Funnies :)))
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Permalink Reply by Alan on
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This is the story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
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Guy's cruising down the highway way over the speed limit. Cop pulls him over.
"Sorry officer, guess the speedometer got away from me. Happens every time I get hammered and try to drive home."
"What?! You're intoxicated?"
"Well I needed a stiff drink after I shot that guy! It's okay though, I managed to fit the body in the trunk."
"Sir, keep your hands where I can see them. Give me your license and registration right now."
"Well I would but it's in the glovebox where I threw the gun, it's still pretty bloody and I don't want it to fall out until it's dried."
"Do. Not. Move. I'm calling for back-up."
Back-up gets there. Second officer gets out, says
"Sir, please open your trunk."
Guy opens it. Clean as a whistle.
"Please show me your glovebox."
Guy opens it. Clean as a whistle, along with his license and registration.
"I'll need you to take a breathalyzer."
Guy takes breathalyzer test a .00
"Well what's going on? This officer said you had a dead body in the trunk, a bloody gun in the glovebox and were drunk."
Guy says "Hah, I bet he said I was speeding, too."
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Permalink Reply by Dawn Marie on
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Permalink Reply by Alley on
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LOL I was wondering why I couldn't tell any joke's...you had my humerus!! heehee
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That was a funny one Alley!
Alley said:LOL I was wondering why I couldn't tell any joke's...you had my humerus!! heehee
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The Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Obama
on it. The Postal Service noticed that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes.
This enraged the President, who demanded a Full investigation.
After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional
spending, a special Presidential commission presented the
following findings.
1. The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the glue.
3. People are spitting on the wrong side.
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Courtesy of Freshwater...ABL Forums
The Recession has hit everybody.....
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
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