Thread for Funnies :)))

[Dawn Marie]

[Alan]

I like those.  Fantastic!

[Alley]

Those were great!

[Dawn Marie]

Sorry Briggitta but I stole these from you (from the ABL forum).  They were too good to pass up.

Two eggs are talking in a monastery. "I really don't like it here", says one.

"Why not?" asks the other.

"Well, you know, it's always 'Out of the frying pan and into the friar'."

___________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

'It is!'

'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'

'I can!'

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

'I do!'

'Is he a member of your congregation?'

'He is!'

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

'He will.'

[Cathleen]

Our dear Peter (cough, cough) has disappeared.  We miss him (??)  Maybe this little conversation will get him to reappear.

Cathleen:  Do you drink beer?

Peter:  Yes, of course.

Cathleen:  Well, how many in a day?

Peter:  Usually about three, esp. when I am reading this "funnies" thread.

Cathleen:  How much do you pay per beer?

Peter:  Well, usually around $5 per pint, including tip.

Cathleen:  And how long have you been drinking?

Peter:  Oh, about 20 years or so.

Cathleen (getting ready to pounce):  So, a beer costs $5 each and you have 3 per day.  So that makes it $450 per month and approximately $5400 per year.....correct?

Peter (wondering where this is going and why he even logged in today) :  Correct.  Amazing that you Yanks know your math so well..... (silent giggle)

Cathleen:  If in one year you spent approximately $5400 in beer, not accounting for inflation, then over the past 20 years that puts your spending on beer at approximately $108,000, correct?

Peter (rolling his eyes):  Correct

Cathleen (feeling self-righteous) : Well, did you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put into a step-up interest savings account, and after accounting for compound interest over these 20 years, you could have been driving around in a Ferrari instead of that broken-down motorized rickshaw that you have now?

Peter (after a long pause) :  Do you drink beer?

Cathleen:  No

Peter:  So where is your Ferrari?

[Dawn Marie]

LOLOLOL

Cathleen said:

Our dear Peter (cough, cough) has disappeared.  We miss him (??)  Maybe this little conversation will get him to reappear.

Cathleen:  Do you drink beer?

Peter:  Yes, of course.

Cathleen:  Well, how many in a day?

Peter:  Usually about three, esp. when I am reading this "funnies" thread.

Cathleen:  How much do you pay per beer?

Peter:  Well, usually around $5 per pint, including tip.

Cathleen:  And how long have you been drinking?

Peter:  Oh, about 20 years or so.

Cathleen (getting ready to pounce):  So, a beer costs $5 each and you have 3 per day.  So that makes it $450 per month and approximately $5400 per year.....correct?

Peter (wondering where this is going and why he even logged in today) :  Correct.  Amazing that you Yanks know your math so well..... (silent giggle)

Cathleen:  If in one year you spent approximately $5400 in beer, not accounting for inflation, then over the past 20 years that puts your spending on beer at approximately $108,000, correct?

Peter (rolling eyes):  Correct

Cathleen (feeling self-righteous) : Well, did you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put into a step-up interest savings account, and after accounting for compound interest over these 20 years, you could have been driving around in a Ferrari instead of that broken-down motorized rickshaw that you have now?

Peter (after a long pause) :  Do you drink beer?

Cathleen:  No

Peter:  So where is your Ferrari?

[Cathleen]

Since it is back-to-school time (at least here in the US) here is a true and very funny homeschool story.  This didn't happen in my family, but we have had similar incidents, LOL!  This was from a family in Kentucky:

"One of the unique blessings of homeschooling is that the preschoolers can learn right along with older children.  We read lots of books aloud so that the entire family can learn together. 

Sometimes, however, historical facts can become a little mixed up with the little ones' imaginations.  The other day, we had to laugh, when little Joshua, armed with a toy sword, proclaimed, "I'm Stonewar Jackson of the Evolutionary War!"

[Cathleen]

The religious education teacher was reviewing her lesson on Genesis with her 5-year-old students.

She called on one student and asked him, "Little Alan, do you remember where Adam and Eve lived?"

Little Alan confidently replied, "Sure!  The Garden of Egypt!"

[Alley]

LOL at our house too Cathleen lol

[Dawn Marie]

[Alley]

  
DM said:

LOLOLLOLOL

Cathleen said:

Our dear Peter (cough, cough) has disappeared.  We miss him (??)  Maybe this little conversation will get him to reappear.

Cathleen:  Do you drink beer?

Peter:  Yes, of course.

Cathleen:  Well, how many in a day?

Peter:  Usually about three, esp. when I am reading this "funnies" thread.

Cathleen:  How much do you pay per beer?

Peter:  Well, usually around $5 per pint, including tip.

Cathleen:  And how long have you been drinking?

Peter:  Oh, about 20 years or so.

Cathleen (getting ready to pounce):  So, a beer costs $5 each and you have 3 per day.  So that makes it $450 per month and approximately $5400 per year.....correct?

Peter (wondering where this is going and why he even logged in today) :  Correct.  Amazing that you Yanks know your math so well..... (silent giggle)

Cathleen:  If in one year you spent approximately $5400 in beer, not accounting for inflation, then over the past 20 years that puts your spending on beer at approximately $108,000, correct?

Peter (rolling eyes):  Correct

Cathleen (feeling self-righteous) : Well, did you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put into a step-up interest savings account, and after accounting for compound interest over these 20 years, you could have been driving around in a Ferrari instead of that broken-down motorized rickshaw that you have now?

Peter (after a long pause) :  Do you drink beer?

Cathleen:  No

Peter:  So where is your Ferrari?

LOL I was wondering the same thing !?

[Cathleen]

Cathleen decided to start selling real estate for a living.  Feeling beneficent, Peter agreed to go along and look at one of her "handyman specials" which she had just listed.

Despite Peter's misgivings, the house was actually very nice.  Peter couldn't understand why the place was listed so cheaply.  Then Cathleen turned on the water main and water gushed down from the ceiling.

Cathleen was dumbfounded and wondered what Peter would say now.  But, again feeling beneficent, Peter merely smiled and said, in his wonderfully droll, Down Under way, "Nice house.  It's even self-cleaning."

[Dawn Marie]