Thread for Funnies :)))

[Dawn Marie]

[Cathleen]

Ok, giving poor Peter a break......here are some puns for Alan and Bill:

Did you hear about the podiatrist who ran for mayor?

He was defeated.

What did the baby light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.

[Alley]

lol I meant to say what would Peter do without us!

[Cathleen]

And Peter is usually in the dark anyway....so he was worried about his one little candle!

Thanks Mario!

Just watch out now for more of Peter's jokes! ;-D

[Cathleen]

I think it's both ways, Alley!  I don't think he would know what to do WITH us girls...we may drive him a bit bonkers....but I think he might not be able to get along without us either! 

Maybe that is why he feels he is safe Down Under....far, far away!  LOL!

We've missed our Peter....where can he be?

[Peter Baxter]

My story starts when Cathleen asked Peter if she could borrow some money. This is not the first time our Cathleen has bludged eh I mean borrowed, actually it happens rather regularly. When asked what she spends her money on she always replies chocolate peanuts! The thought made me nauseous plus the thought that they think I can’t do without them. Anyway, as I have explained the type of person I am, and yes DM, Alley and Cathleen I know I am not like you but opposites attract, my good nature obliged Cathleen’s request, but I needed to get the cash from the bank. DM also had to go to the bank to deposit the millions that the good kind people have donated to Crusaders, I did notice Cathleen look at the money bags with envy.

 

So off the three of us trudged to the bank when we noticed Alley driving down the street and through a green light which flashed. She stopped the car next to us and said there had to be something wrong with the camera because she was not speeding. She decided to go round the block and see what happens this time. She zoomed, hang on this is Alley, she spluttered around the block this time even slower than before, and still the camera flashed. Alley thought this rather odd and repeated the process another three times each time going slower, so slow in fact that the fifth time she was in reverse.

 

We got to bank and just as I started to withdraw the money for Cathleen the bank was robbed. Oh dear, we all had to lie on the floor while the teller was putting cash into the bag.  Then just as the robber was leaving we saw this man, hang on that’s no ordinary man, that’s the guy that pretends to write jokes for Crusader, what’s his name, ah Mario Leo Joseph stand up and grab the hood from the robber’s face. The robber shot Mario Leo Joseph dead. Gloria who was in the bank also looked up and stared and the robber shot her too. The robber looked around and shouted out: “Did anyone else see my face?” Cathleen answered “Sir, I am certain DM saw you.” and then had the audacity to say to me, “Hee Hee now I can take over Crusaders.” Well of all the dirty rotten outrageous lousy lowdown nasty contemptible despicable tricks Cathleen has done - and there have been many - congratulations Cathleen, this has got to be your lowest.

 

My story comes to an abrupt end there, and the only thing left is to let you know that Alley got five traffic tickets, not for speeding but for not wearing a seatbelt.

[Alley]

Laughing... you know I'm thinking, our Peter sure has a good and maybe over active imagination..

still laughing! 

[Dawn Marie]

It's winter down under, maybe the poor lad has cabin fever LOL.

[Cathleen]

Those were great, Mario.....esp. that last one!

Thank you!  :-D

[Dawn Marie]

Brian Regan: The Epitome of Hyperbole

[Cathleen]

One night Cathleen stumbled into the Crusaders police station with a black eye.  She claimed that she heard a noise in her back yard and went out to investigate.  The next thing she knew she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

Officer Peter was sent out to investigate.  He returned an hour later with a black eye.

"Did you get hit by the same person?" asked Captain DM.

"No," replied Officer Peter, "I stepped on the same rake."

[Cathleen]

Peter was calling in sick to the Crusaders' office more than he was at work.

Finally his good-natured boss DM was compelled to call him into her office.

"It has not escaped my attention," she pointed out, "that every time there is a home game at the stadium, you have to take your mother to the doctor."

"You know, you're right, ma'am!" exclaimed Peter.  "I didn't realize it!  You don't suppose my mum is faking it, do you?"

[Alan]

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

 

What time is it when it is time to go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.

 

Why did the golfer bring two pair of pants to the game?
In case he got a whole in one.

 

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."