Thread for Funnies :)))
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Dawn Marie on
-
Why I Like Retirement !
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Ans wer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.courtesy of Joseph Wilson
-
-
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the
difference.
-
-
-
Permalink Reply by Steven J Alderete on
-
-
Permalink Reply by David Kaftal on
-
-
Permalink Reply by Alley on
-
LAUGHING that is rotten funny but rotten.
We females have enough problems with weight without
anyone adding to it. LOL
-
Permalink Reply by Kate Jackson on
-
Funny! I have printed it out stuck onto cardboard and doused in bluebell oil - I will present it as a car air freshner to my pal as a thank you for lifts etc :-)
-
Permalink Reply by Cathleen on
-
It was Peter's birthday. Off he went as usual to his work at the Crusaders Office. Upon his arrival, what did he see but a colorful banner and a large jar of peanuts on his desk.
Cathleen started singing, "Waltzing Matilda, WALTZING....." before she was shushed by Dawn Marie and Alley. "No, no, silly, wrong song!"
"Oh, this is so nice of you all," said Peter modestly. "Thank you for remembering my birthday."
"Oh, Peter," cooed Cathleen, "do try the peanuts. They are nice and fresh!"
Peter's smile became more forced but being an Australian gentleman he maintained his composure. "Penance, penance" he thought to himself. "they are just helping to shorten your Purgatory, Peter, old boy."
Dawn Marie cleared her throat and said, "Attention, everyone. We are here today to honor our dear friend, Peter." (hearty round of applause - loudest of all from Peter...oops.....) "Now, he has worked very diligently these past few years at our office, and we would like to do something nice for him for a change....besides the peanuts......so some of us have chipped in and bought him a new (to him) motorized rickshaw!" (thunderous applause, esp from Peter...) "This one has only 100,000km on it....and a new paint job...so now our Peter can go around in style!"
Peter blushed, and then said, "Ok, DM, so where are the keys to this thing....I mean, this fine vehicle? So, I can take my friends around for a ride on my birthday?"
Dawn Marie handed over the keys and Peter was out the door in a flash....well, as much of a flash as a man his age..., I mean, ...of his dignity could manage.
Dawn Marie, Alley and Cathleen all followed and piled into the rickshaw. That was when the adventure Really Began!
To be continued...............Happy Birthday, Peter, and many more!
© 2024 Created by Dawn Marie.
Powered by
