Thread for Funnies :)))
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Permalink Reply by Alley on
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LOL no worries Peter I am not a good golfer either (miniature)
Cathleen said:Doctor Alan asked his new patient (Peter) about his activity level and how he spent a typical day.
"Well, doctor," Peter drawled, "yesterday I took a five-hour hike through 6km of rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake, got sand in me shoes, climbed several rocky hills and nearly stepped on a snake."
Dr. Alan was taken aback. "Wow! You must be a heck of an outdoors man!"
"Nooo," replied Peter, "just a heck of a bad golfer."
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Permalink Reply by Cathleen on
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Peter took up a new hobby: playing the bagpipes. And he was pretty good at it too! No matter that his neighbors at the Crusaders Condo Complex were always asking him if he could play "Over the Hills and Far Away."
<ahem>
Anyway, Peter's latest gig was to play the bagpipes at a graveside service for a homeless man. "A sad case, Peter," said the funeral director. "No family, no friends. The service will be at a small paupers cemetery."
Not thinking to ask directions, on the day of the funeral Peter hopped into the Crusaders motorized rickshaw and headed off. After driving around for hours, Peter finally arrived. No hearse, no funeral director.....but some workers were there, eating lunch.
Peter felt bad and apologized to the men.
Walking over to the grave, Peter peered in. The vault lid was already in place. Not knowing what else to do, Peter started to play his bagpipes.
The workers put down their lunches and gathered around.
Peter put his heart into the music for this poor man with no friends or family, and played like he had never played before.
When he launched into "Waltzing Matilda" everyone started weeping.
Peter finished, packed up his pipes and started for the rickshaw. He felt good that at least despite being so late, he was able to do a good deed for a poor man.
As he opened the door of the rickshaw, Peter heard one of the workers say, "I never seen something like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for 20 years."
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Permalink Reply by Dawn Marie on
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How did I miss this?
You guys/gals are so clever. Funny stuff!
Cathleen said:Peter took up a new hobby: playing the bagpipes. And he was pretty good at it too! No matter that his neighbors at the Crusaders Condo Complex were always asking him if he could play "Over the Hills and Far Away."
<ahem>
Anyway, Peter's latest gig was to play the bagpipes at a graveside service for a homeless man. "A sad case, Peter," said the funeral director. "No family, no friends. The service will be at a small paupers cemetery."
Not thinking to ask directions, on the day of the funeral Peter hopped into the Crusaders motorized rickshaw and headed off. After driving around for hours, Peter finally arrived. No hearse, no funeral director.....but some workers were there, eating lunch.
Peter felt bad and apologized to the men.
Walking over to the grave, Peter peered in. The vault lid was already in place. Not knowing what else to do, Peter started to play his bagpipes.
The workers put down their lunches and gathered around.
Peter put his heart into the music for this poor man with no friends or family, and played like he had never played before.
When he launched into "Waltzing Matilda" everyone started weeping.
Peter finished, packed up his pipes and started for the rickshaw. He felt good that at least despite being so late, he was able to do a good deed for a poor man.
As he opened the door of the rickshaw, Peter heard one of the workers say, "I never seen something like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for 20 years."
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Laughing!!!! How did I miss it!!! That was great!
Dawn Marie said:How did I miss this?
Cathleen said:Peter took up a new hobby: playing the bagpipes. And he was pretty good at it too! No matter that his neighbors at the Crusaders Condo Complex were always asking him if he could play "Over the Hills and Far Away."
<ahem>
Anyway, Peter's latest gig was to play the bagpipes at a graveside service for a homeless man. "A sad case, Peter," said the funeral director. "No family, no friends. The service will be at a small paupers cemetery."
Not thinking to ask directions, on the day of the funeral Peter hopped into the Crusaders motorized rickshaw and headed off. After driving around for hours, Peter finally arrived. No hearse, no funeral director.....but some workers were there, eating lunch.
Peter felt bad and apologized to the men.
Walking over to the grave, Peter peered in. The vault lid was already in place. Not knowing what else to do, Peter started to play his bagpipes.
The workers put down their lunches and gathered around.
Peter put his heart into the music for this poor man with no friends or family, and played like he had never played before.
When he launched into "Waltzing Matilda" everyone started weeping.
Peter finished, packed up his pipes and started for the rickshaw. He felt good that at least despite being so late, he was able to do a good deed for a poor man.
As he opened the door of the rickshaw, Peter heard one of the workers say, "I never seen something like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for 20 years."
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Ok, so the bagpipe gig didn't go so well......
......so Peter decides to try another line of work.......
The local Sheriff was looking for a new deputy so Peter applied for the job.
"Ok," said the Sheriff, "for this job we have to do a few simple tests. What is 1 and 1 ?"
Peter thinks for awhile and then says, "11."
The Sheriff thinks for awhile and then says to himself, "Well, not the answer I wanted but he does think outside the box."
"Ok, next question: what two days of the week start with the letter T?"
Peter says, "Oh, that's easy! Today and Tomorrow."
The Sheriff blinks but then admits that Peter is right.
"Now listen carefully,......who killed Abraham Lincoln?" the Sheriff asked.
Peter blinked, thought for a bit but then admitted that he didn't know (being an Aussie and all that)
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a bit?" replied the Sheriff.
So Peter wandered back to the Crusaders Condo Complex where his friends (DM, Alley, Gloria) were all waiting to hear how he did with his interview.
"Oh, it was great!" Peter exalted. "My first day there and already they put me on a murder case!"
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I love it!!!
Cathleen said:Ok, so the bagpipe gig didn't go so well......
......so Peter decides to try another line of work.......
The local Sheriff was looking for a new deputy so Peter applied for the job.
"Ok," said the Sheriff, "for this job we have to do a few simple tests. What is 1 and 1 ?"
Peter thinks for awhile and then says, "11."
The Sheriff thinks for awhile and then says to himself, "Well, not the answer I wanted but he does think outside the box."
"Ok, next question: what two days of the week start with the letter T?"
Peter says, "Oh, that's easy! Today and Tomorrow."
The Sheriff blinks but then admits that Peter is right.
"Now listen carefully,......who killed Abraham Lincoln?" the Sheriff asked.
Peter blinked, thought for a bit but then admitted that he didn't know (being an Aussie and all that)
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a bit?" replied the Sheriff.
So Peter wandered back to the Crusaders Condo Complex where his friends (DM, Alley, Gloria) were all waiting to hear how he did with his interview.
"Oh, it was great!" Peter exalted. "My first day there and already they put me on a murder case!"
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I never knew what Waltzing Matilda actually meant ....till now.
In light of this new found knowledge, I can't stop laughing, Cathleen you are a trip!
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Peter is probably hoping that I would go off on a long trip......preferably the Outback without a guide!
Now I have that song spinning around in my head again.......LOL! :-D
Dawn Marie said:I never knew what Waltzing Matilda actually meant ....till now.
In light of this new found knowledge, I can't stop laughing, Cathleen you are a trip!
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Peter walked into DM's cubicle at the Crusaders Office.
DM smiled. "Hello, Peter! Nice to see you again....it's been awhile. Here, help yourself to some peanuts."
Peter took a big handful and then came right to the point. "Ma'am, I'll be straight with you. I know the economy isn't great right now, but I have three companies after me and I've come to respectfully ask for a raise."
After a few minutes of haggling (and more handfuls of peanuts) DM finally agreed to a 5% raise and Peter happily got up to leave.
"By the way," said DM, "which three companies are after you, Peter?"
"The electric company, the water company and the phone company," replied Peter.
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