Thread for Funnies :)))

[Dawn Marie]

[Peter Baxter]

First time I have ever seen someone that works for the IRS ever attempt to tell a joke.

Cathleen walks into my kitchen one day, she never knocks just barges in as though she owns my little Aussie shack except for Wednesdays yep rent day, to find me stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?'
She asked.

Silly question I thought, what you think I am doing with a fly swatter trying to pat a kangaroo or use it to strain my pot of tea.

 'Hunting Flies'
I responded.

'Oh! Killing any?'
She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.


Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

Ha ha ha giggle giggle te te heehaw Ouch put that fly swat down Cathleen it was only a joke.

 

[Cathleen]

HOORAY!  Our Peter is back with his barbarous wit still intact!  :-D

(we have missed you and your so-called jokes!)  ;-D

[Alley]

LOL Hi Peter!!

[Cathleen]

Cathleen was speeding down the highway in the motorized rickshaw when she saw the flashing red lights of a police cruiser.  She pulled over and saw Constable Peter stalking over to the rickshaw.

Smiling politely, Cathleen said:  "Is there a problem, Constable?"

 Peter (growling):  "Do you know how fast you were going, Ma'am?"

Cathleen:  "Nope,.....don't know and don't care!"

Peter:  "May I see your license, Ma'am?"

Cathleen:  "Nope!  I don't have one."

Peter:  "Don't have one?"

Cathleen:  "Nope!  Lost it 4 times for drunken driving."

Peter (growing irritated) :  "May I see your registration, please?"

Cathleen:  "Nope!  No can do."

Peter:  "Why not?"  (stupid American, under his breath)

Cathleen:  "I don't own this rickshaw.  I stole it."

Peter (alarmed) :  "WHAT?"

Cathleen:  "Yep!  Murdered the owner (DM), stuffed her body in the trunk and drove off!"

Peter backed up to his police cruiser and called for back-up.  Within five minutes, Officers Alan, Matthew and Alley were there, with guns drawn.  Officer Alan slowly approached the rickshaw. 

Alan:  "Ma'am, would you step out of this rickshaw?"

Cathleen hops out.  "Is there a problem, Officer?" she says sweetly.

Alan:  "Constable Peter here says you stole this rickshaw and murdered the owner (DM).  Would you open the trunk of this rickshaw please?"

Cathleen complies.  The trunk is empty.

Alan (puzzled):  "Is this your rickshaw, Ma'am?"  Cathleen nods.  "May I see your papers please?"

Cathleen pulls out her wallet and hands Alan the registration papers.  Peter is stunned.

Alan:  "My constable here claims you don't have a driver's license." 

Cathleen fishes around more in her over-sized purse and pulls out her driver's license, which she hands to Alan.  He studies it and then phones in the number to the police station.  When the number checks out ok, he looks more puzzled.

Alan:  "Thank you, Ma'am.  My constable here claims you were driving without a license and registration, and that you stole this rickshaw, murdered the owner (DM) and stuffed her body in the trunk."

Cathleen:  "Betcha the old liar told you that I was speeding too!"

[Alley]

LOL

[Dawn Marie]

Peter is that really you? {kerplunk}

[Cathleen]

Waltzing Matilda, WALTZING MATILDA, you'll come a'waltzing Matilda with MMMMEEEEEEEEEE!

(P.S.  It's Wednesday -rent day- again, so cough up the money!  Or you're out of your little Aussie Shack!)

[Alley]

Cathleen is that you singing off key?? Move over I'm good at that too WALTZIN MATILDAAAAA heehee

[Cathleen]

Now I can't get that dratted tune out of my head!  :-o  ;-D

Waltzing Matilda (very loud!)  WALTZING MATILDA! (even louder and off key)  You'll come a'waltzing Matilda with MMMMEEEEEE (in an American accent!)

[Cathleen]

Doctor Alan asked his new patient (Peter) about his activity level and how he spent a typical day.

"Well, doctor," Peter drawled, "yesterday I took a five-hour hike through 6km of rough terrain.  I waded along the edge of a lake, got sand in me shoes, climbed several rocky hills and nearly stepped on a snake."

Dr. Alan was taken aback.  "Wow!  You must be a heck of an outdoors man!"

"Nooo," replied Peter, "just a heck of a bad golfer."

[Cathleen]

A little girl (DM) returned from summer camp.  While helping her unpack, her mother noticed a silver medal in her suitcase.

"What did you earn this for, dear?" asked her mother.

"For telling knock-knock jokes," answered DM.

"Oh, my!  Now what is this for?" asked her mother, holding up a gold medal.

"For stopping," replied DM.

[Alley]

hahahahaha

Cathleen said:

A little girl (DM) returned from summer camp.  While helping her unpack, her mother noticed a silver medal in her suitcase.

"What did you earn this for, dear?" asked her mother.

"For telling knock-knock jokes," answered DM.

"Oh, my!  Now what is this for?" asked her mother, holding up a gold medal.

"For stopping," replied DM.