Thread for Funnies :)))

[Dawn Marie]

[Dawn Marie]

I better watch it or next thing ya know I'll be run over by the runaway rickshaw!  rofllll

[Cathleen]

Are you saying that we got at it like cats and dogs?  ;-D

[Cathleen]

You know, Peter has been lying low these past couple of days.......maybe he took off in the rickshaw somewhere?

Or maybe he is saving up some doozy type jokes /stories.....

[Alley]

That's it! Peter is saving them up! OK move over Cathleen, make room for D and I, this oughta be good,  pass some of that pop corn over here please. heehee 

[Peter Baxter]

There I was travelling down the road singing ‘Mary had a little lamb…’(forgot the rest of the words), in my brand new 250,000 miles (that's over 402,000 km in Roo land) dented rickshaw when suddenly cough, cough, splutter, splutter and a few more indescribable words which sound more like Cathleen’s jokes than a brand new 250,000 miles (that's over 402,000 km in Roo land) dented rickshaw breaking down, although the end result is just about the same. Being quite mechanically minded I lifted the hood to see if I could find the problem. I removed the spark plug, the starter rope and the wind up rubber band but failed to find anything till I walked around the back. There was a piece of paper sticking out of the petrol tank. I pulled it out and written on it was a message which said ‘I.O.U $20.00 for petrol, thanks and don’t forget to fill up, your tank is empty’ it was signed by none other than that that, arh oooh I can’t say what I really want to say, but by Cathleen.

 

I immediately phoned Cathleen and demanded she come and tow me back into town, she replied that she would for $40.00, what could I do but consent to this rip off merchant. Cathleen came out in her sparkling Jaguar and proceeded to tow me back into town, but first I had to pay the $40.00 to which she promptly handed back $20.00 for the petrol she had stolen and got me into this predicament in the first place.

 

After 10 minutes of towing, a Ford Flintstone Mobile from Bedrock Ford passed at high speed. Cathleen in her Jaguar recognized the car as belonging to Alley a girl that seems to be addicted to popcorn and reading corny jokes, mind you after celebrating twenty five years of marriage I think that can do that to you.

 

 Back to the story, I do digress don’t I, Cathleen was not going to be outdone by this popcorn addicted corny joke anniversary lady, so forgetting about poor Peter in his brand new 250,000 miles (that's over 402,000 km in Roo land) dented rickshaw in tow, slammed her foot down and the Jaguar and the Ford Flintstone Mobile from Bedrock Ford indulged in a high speed race down the road. My brand new 250,000 miles (that's over 402,000 km in Roo land) dented rickshaw was now trailing wildly at the end of a rope; I was frantically eating peanuts to calm the nerves while trying to attract Cathleen’s attention but as usual to no avail.

 

A police car driven by Constable P.C. Alan with his partner Constable P.C. Mario Leo Joseph gave chase. Constable P.C. Mario Leo Joseph radioed back to Headquarters "Sargent DM, you'll never believe this, I've just seen a Jaguar and a Ford Flintstone Mobile from Bedrock Ford neck and neck doing 150 mph - and a bloke in a brand new 250,000 miles (that's over 402,000 km in Roo land)  dented rickshaw, eating peanuts with the chocolate removed, flashing his lights, blowing his horn and trying to overtake them!"

[Cathleen]

Now I know why we haven't heard from you in awhile.....here I thought you were on a late winter holiday Down Under, resting and relaxing.....but it took you awhile to come up with all of this......

Ok, the gloves come off....

Pop some more corn, gals.....this will get better.....

[Cathleen]

Our story continues.......

Poor Peter finally managed to get away from the Jaguar and the Bedrock-mobile.  The kindly constables got him free and took those girls off to the station.  Peter heard the faint sounds of laughter as they drove off.

Feeling very shaken up, Peter drove his rickety rickshaw down the main street when a sign on a nearby store caught his eye:

"Suits $10 each.  Shirts $4 each.  Trousers $5 per pair."

"Wow!"  thought Peter, "I could get a few of those and sell them for a profit at the Crusaders office.  The annual Crusader dinner / dance is coming up, and some of those blokes could use something for such an occasion.  Then I'll have some money for petrol for my rickshaw and a little bit of extra cash for peanuts."

Peter walked into the store.  "I'll take 50 suits at $10 each, 100 shirts at $4 each and 50 pairs of trousers at $5 each.  I'll just back up my rickshaw and we can load....."

"Excuse me, sir," said the kindly proprietor Shawn, "but you're from Down Under, aren't you?"

"Why, yes of course," replied Peter.  "How did you know?  Was it my accent?"

"Well, no," replied Shawn.  "You see, this is a dry cleaners."

[Alley]

LOL

[Peter Baxter]

As you know my brand new 250,000 miles (that's over 402,000 km in Rooland) dented rickshaw was not well thanks to our Cathleen so I phoned her to ask if I could borrow her Jaguar to go to the movies. In her well known generous attitude she said no, but if I could find a good one she would go to the movies if I paid. I then proceeded to phone Ally who said yes as she was still celebrating her 25^th Anniversary by eating popcorn, lounging on the couch reading corny jokes all day, and practising spelling LOL on the computer, what a life our Alley has eh.

 

Cathleen said that as Alley lives just around the corner, closer than me anyway I live downunder, she would pick up Alley’s Ford Flintstone Mobile from Bedrock Ford and pick me up at the airport. Understandably I didn’t trust her so I said I would meet her at Alley’s place and proceeded to the airport for my flight to up above. Cathleen as always wanted to drive and I proceeded to follow as though I was on a leash and we went to the movies. I went in first as Cathleen was trying to tow someone’s car out of the way so she could park there.

 

By the time Cathleen came in I was sprawled across three entire seats of this rather posh theatre with an usher standing over me, he whispered to me, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

I groaned and looked at Cathleen but didn't budge, or maybe I looked at Cathleen and then groaned, yea that was probably it.

 

The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, I just groaned, which infuriated Cathleen who wanted money to buy chocolate peanuts and some popcorn for you know who. The usher was angry and turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over me. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move me, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police.

The cops,  Constable P.C. Alan with his partner Constable P.C. Mario Leo Joseph and a trainee named Shawn surveyed the situation briefly then said, "All right buddy, what's your name?"

"Peter," I moaned.

"Where ya come from, Peeda?" (Hee Hee Haa Haa gosh awfully funny accents they have here don’t they?)

With pain in my voice I replied "... the balcony."

 

Anyway Cathleen had to take me home as the Manager refused to let me watch the movie. Cathleen said to wait here and she will bring the car around. No sooner had Constable P.C. Alan with his partner Constable P.C. Mario Leo Joseph and a trainee named Shawn escorted me out when Cathleen came running back and cried out to Constable P.C. Alan with his partner Constable P.C. Mario Leo Joseph and a trainee named Shawn "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator." They replied by asking her what the numberplate was to which she replied she didn’t know but will go back and get it.

 

However, before the police investigation could start, Cathleen came back head down and red faced and whispered "Never mind, I must have got in the back seat by mistake."

[Cathleen]

I wonder how Peter ended up in the row of seats instead of in the balcony where he was.....

.....was it an accident?

         ...............or not?

I told Peter that I was "parking the car"..........

[Cathleen]

Our sorry tale continues........

After the movie theater (or is it "theatre?" down under?)  our hero Peter was escorted home by the kind and long-suffering constables.  We call them "police officers" but never mind.....

Feeling shaken and sore, Peter decided to relax with large bowls of both popcorn and peanuts and read a diverting tale:  "The Arabian Nights."  But after a few minutes of reading and many large handfuls of popcorn and peanuts, Peter fell sound asleep.

In his dream, Peter was walking along a sandy beach down under when he spotted something shiny and golden half buried in the sand.  Thinking maybe he had found a treasure, and thus could finally afford both petrol and peanuts, Peter dug the object out of the sand.   It was an old oil lamp. 

Peter was rubbing the sand off the lamp when suddenly a small genie appeared!  Not your average, over-sized, powerful genie but just a small, timid-looking sort.

"I've eaten too many of those dratted peanuts again," groused Peter. 

"What is your wish, my master?  Since I am only a small genie, I regret that I have the power to only grant you one small wish," said the genie.

"Hmm...." thought Peter.  "Despite that movie theatre incident, I do enjoy bothering....I mean, visiting my friends Up Above in the States.  It would be most convenient if I could just drive the rickshaw there instead of having to fly all the time.  Genie, I wish you to build me my own personal bridge from Down Under to the States."

"But Master," pleaded the genie, "you do not understand.  Such a wish is so big!  I am but a little, novice genie.  Please, ask another easier wish."

"Ok," said Peter.  He thought and thought.  "Genie, I have it.  Those Crusader women are always plotting new ways to get at me.  I wish to know how women think.  Then maybe I can deal with them better."

There was a very long silence.  The genie looked mournfully at Peter. 

"Master, how many lanes did you want on your bridge?"

[Peter Baxter]

Alley, Shawn, Gloria DM and anyone else in dresses I'm warning you don't you dear LOL or ROFL Alan and Mario Leo Joseph  HELP need reinforcements immediately.Our Cathleen is out of control she actually trying to write like someone with style down-under. You won't get away with this Cathleen you mark my words. Just wait, I.ll be back