Thread for Funnies :)))

[Dawn Marie]

[Cathleen]

ROFL!  :-D

[Cathleen]

I heard that last one years ago, but it still makes me snort!  :-D

[Cathleen]

Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed the first.

"No," the second contended.  "I get the best results with standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the third man insisted.  "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer.

"Hey fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

[Alan]

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?”

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!!!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The youngest brother gasped for breath and replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!  God is missing and they think WE did it!"

[Alan]

I'd say the repair man had it right!

[Alan]

ok this one is not for the weak of stomach (as he laughs like snidely whiplash)

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

[Dawn Marie]

me either

[Dawn Marie]

[Alan]

cute

[Alan]

SOUPED-UP SISTER

A state trooper sees a vehicle on the interstate doing 33 miles per hour and pulls the car over to be sure that everything is all right.

As he approaches the car, he sees that the driver is a nun.

"Excuse me, Sister, but are you alright ?" he asks.

She replies, "Oh, yes officer, I’m just fine. Did I do something wrong?"

The officer says, "Well Sister, you were traveling way under the speed limit and I was concerned that you might be having car trouble."

"But officer", the nun replies, "I saw a sign about a mile back that said 33, and I know I wasn't going any faster than that."

Chuckling, the trooper says, "Sister, that was a state highway route marker, this is state route 33. Speed limit signs have a MPH at the bottom."

"Oh, now don't I feel foolish?" replied the nun turning a bit red.

"That's ok this time, but please try to be more careful, I wouldn't want to see you get hurt," finished the officer.

Then as he turned to say good-bye, he sees two nuns in the back seat, and they are visibly shaken and look quite pale.

"Sister, what is wrong with your friends, they’re shaking and look pale."

"Oh, no, they're all right," replied the Sister, "We just turned off of route 150."

[Alan]

[Alan]

:)