Thread for Funnies :)))
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Permalink Reply by Cathleen on
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The slightly clueless young lady, looking to earn some money, decided to hire herself out for handyman-type work and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the door of the first house, knocked and asked the homeowner if he had any jobs she could do.
"Well, you could paint my porch," he replied. "How much will you charge to do that?"
"$50," replied the lady.
The man agreed, and told her the paint and ladders she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, asked him, "Did she realize that the porch wraps all the way around the house?"
"She should have," said the man, "she was standing on the porch."
An hour later, the young lady came to collect her money.
"You finished already?" the homeowner asked?
"Yes," the lady replied, "and I had paint left over so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the homeowner reached into his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the young lady said, "It's not a Porch...it's a Mercedes."
:-D
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Bill was driving his son to school when he inadvertently made an illegal turn at a traffic light.
Realizing his mistake, Bill said, "Oops! I just made an illegal turn."
"It's OK, Dad, " his son replied. "The police car behind us just did the same thing."
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How many paranoid people does it take to change a light bulb?
"Who wants to know?!"
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Two friends, DM and Cathleen, agreed to meet up at a local department store to do some shopping. DM arrived first and waited for over an hour, but no Cathleen. So DM went home.
The next day, Cathleen very apologetically phoned DM.
"I am so sorry that I missed seeing you yesterday. I was in the store on the escalator when suddenly it stopped running. I was halfway up. The workmen came and it took them over an hour to fix it....and there I was, standing on that escalator."
"What?" said DM. "You stood there on a stopped escalator that whole time? You silly! Why didn't you just sit down?"
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Why are there so many Andersons in the phone book?
Because they all have phones!
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I've been saving up my money for a rainy day.
So far I can afford a light mist.
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Permalink Reply by Dawn Marie on
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You outdid yourself Cathleen! Those were hysterical, especially the paranoid one rofllll.
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When I found that "paranoid" joke I couldn't wait to share it with you all here. I thought it was hysterical! :-D
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Several days ago I was at a local hotel for a business meeting. Before leaving, I checked my pockets for my car keys.....not there! I looked carefully around the meeting room with no luck.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the ignition. Frantically I headed for the parking lot. My wife had scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is that the best place to leave them is in the ignition. Her theory is that's the easiest way for the car to get stolen.
As I burst through the hotel door, I came to a terrifying conclusion....her theory was right....the parking lot was empty.
I immediately phoned the police, gave them my location and a description of the car. I confessed that I had left the keys in the car and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all.
"Honey," I stammered....I always call her "honey" in times like this...."I left my keys in the car and it has been stolen."
There was a long silence. Then...
"Idiot!" she barked. "I dropped you off at the hotel!"
Now it was my turn at silence.
Embarrassed, I asked, "Well....could you come down here and get me?"
She retorted, "I will, as soon as you convince this policeman here that I haven't stolen your car!"
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