Thread for Funnies :)))
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Permalink Reply by Cathleen on
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Peter ordered some coffee at a cafe. Cathleen the waitress arrived with the coffee and placed it on the table.
After a few moments, Peter sputtered and called for the waitress.
"Miss," said Peter, "there is dirt in my coffee."
"No surprise there, " replied Cathleen, "it was only ground an hour ago."
(ducking)
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Permalink Reply by Peter Baxter on
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Cathleen and DM were at a cocktail party discussing Crusader issues when Cathleen says "Did you hear the news - Peter is dead!"
"Wooo, not our handsome Crusader Peter, the one that would have made a good stand-up comic if it wasn’t for his wheelchair, what happened to him?"
"Well” said Cathleen “he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly” (mmmm how did she know that…someone call the police) “and boom - He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!" said DM as she pondered that without Peter on Thread of funnys and with ‘jokes’ from Cathleen and Mario might as well close it down.
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom” mind you, use to be on the ground floor till Cathleen decided to fix the gas leak, kaboom you get the picture “and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe” probably stolen “we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!" reply DM thinking that this story better finish soon.
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!" yawns DM
"No no, he survived that, he survived that ! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he ..."
"Hold on now, just how did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? That’s typical of you Cathleen. I mean the mean streak you have picking on dear Peter in your so called jokes, but why?" said DM very upset that now she has to take time off Crusaders to go to dear Peter’s funeral, the only innocent one of this story.
"He was wrecking my house DM."
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Permalink Reply by Alley on
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ROFL my head off truly what a great story/joke. Poor Peter yes, but innocent, shaking my head and laughing, now that is funny.
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Ok, now the gloves come off......
Poor Peter indeed! ;-D Wait until you see the next round of jokes at your expense! >:-D
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Peter and Cathleen were each separately driving down a dark, twisty road at night. Both were going too fast for conditions and sure enough ....BANG...they collide on a sharp bend in the road.
But their guardian angels were working overtime and miraculously neither one was hurt, although their cars were both wrecked.
Cathleen reaches into the "boot" of her car and digs out a 12-year-old bottle of good Irish whiskey. She hands the bottle over to Peter, who says, "Here's to your health" and then he gulps half the bottle down.
Still a bit shook after his ordeal, Peter goes to hand the bottle back to Cathleen, who replies, "No thanks, I'll just wait for the police to get here."
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Permalink Reply by Dawn Marie on
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Oh my goodness!!! THAT is a classic!
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While being interviewed for a job, the personnel director said to Peter and Cathleen:
"Now, I'm going to give you both a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets the most questions correct is the one we'll hire."
Papers were produced, and Peter and Cathleen sat down and set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up, the manager collected the papers and started marking them.
Finally he looked up and said, "Well, you've both answered nine of the ten correctly, but I'm giving the job to Cathleen."
Peter looked startled and asked, "But why is that if we both answered the same number of questions correctly?"
"Well," replied the manager, "you both got the same question wrong but she said 'I don't know this' and you answered 'Neither do I.' "
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I don’t really understand why everyone is picking on me, but I’m married so pretty much used to it.
I got a new job maybe some of you folks know the place, Crusaders. I am the boss and have three staff DM, Alley and Cathleen. Being the only male I decided to show my dominance straight away over these women. I put up a poster which says…’I’m the BOSS, don’t forget & remain in your limits’ yep that should do it, and it did, till I got back from lunch and there was a slip of paper on my desk from DM my secretary “Your wife called, she wants the poster back at home immediately” What an embarrassment, how can I face my staff that are surely smirking, snickering and chuckling away by now.
Any way one has to face these smirking, snickering, chuckling women, so after finishing crying I came out of my office and walked past each of their desks. When I came to Cathleen’s desk I noticed some peanuts in a bowl and asked if I could have one. She not only gave me one but all of them, gee what a nice girl, her jokes can be deceiving. Nice peanuts but no salt, must be a girl thing or just a Cathleen thing, yea that was it. Anyway walked past again and there were more peanuts and without asking Cathleen put them into my hands and I consumed them. This happened once more although if you want a longer story you can just keep eating peanuts but for this story three times is plenty as I’m sure there are only two readers left (me and there’s gotta be someone else surely ). Half way through (doesn’t have to be half way, a quarter way will make no difference to the end) I asked Cathleen if she was going to have one, and she replied that she can’t because she has trouble chewing. I was puzzled; this was strange even for Cathleen and asked why you would buy peanuts in the first place.
Have you guessed her reply yet “We just love sucking the chocolate around them” Yes there was that sound again smirking, snickering, chuckling.
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