Thread for Funnies :)))
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Permalink Reply by Peter Baxter on
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Peter the magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so Peter the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was one problem. The captain's parrot Alan saw the shows each week and began to understand how Peter the magician did every trick. Once Alan, the captain’s parrot understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
Peter the magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, Alan the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.
Finally on the fourth day, Alan the parrot could not hold back and said,
"OK, I give up. Where's the ship, where’s the ship?"
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Permalink Reply by Cathleen on
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ROFL! :-D That was great! ROFL!
Thank you, Peter, that made my morning. :-D
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Permalink Reply by Dawn Marie on
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Seriously I laughed my head off!
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Peter was walking along a road in the countryside comes across Cathleen and a huge flock of sheep. Says to Cathleen, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." Cathleen thinks it over; it's a big flock so she takes the bet. "973," says Peter. Cathleen is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a girl of my word, take an animal." Peter picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the Cathleen, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess what country you are from." Peter says sure. "Australia," says Cathleen. "Amazing!" Peter, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says Cathleen, "put down my dog and I will tell you."
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Peter ran into Dr. Alan's office and shouted, "Doctor! Doctor! You have to help me! Everywhere on my body hurts!"
Dr. Alan replied, "Well, show me."
Peter poked his ankle and moaned with pain. Then he poked his knee and nearly fainted. Same thing when he poked his forehead.
Peter was about to continue when Dr. Alan stopped him, "That's enough, that's enough. Let me think this over."
Alan thinks for a minute and then says, "I think I know what your problem is."
"Wonderful!" exclaims Peter. "What is it?"
"You broke your finger."
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My last boss was the worst one ever.
He asked, "Why are you two hours late for work?"
I said, "I fell down the stairs on my way here."
He replied, "Well, that doesn't take two hours!"
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You really are quite the card Peter, I was reading your posts on another forum and simply could not stop laughing. You have a great sense of humor! Don't ever lose it :)
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Every day, there is a man who sits in the corner booth at a penthouse bar.
One particular day, a young man called Mario comes in through the door. Feeling lucky as he has told a pretty funny joke on Crusaders, he exclaims, "I am feeling lucky, I'll take anyone's bet." The young man in the corner stands up, finishes his scotch, and staggers over to Mario. "I'll bet you that I can jump out of this window and then walk down from the roof access. Fifty bucks."
"You've got a deal mister." He proceeds to jump out of the window, only to a few seconds later walk in from the roof access. Mario is flabbergasted, even his joke was not as good as this and hands over the $50. "Hundred bucks says you can't do it again."
And the other man proceeds to jump out of the window, and then again walks in from the roof. Mario gets overconfident and tries to do it himself, thinking that there must be some catch. He falls thirteen stories to his death. The older man orders another scotch from DM the bartender and returns to his corner booth.
DM says to him, "Superman, you're not a nice guy when you're drunk.
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