Law Forces Catholic Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles
*SATIRE*
Law Forces Catholic Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles
Sacramento, CA––A new ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California churches beginning in 2014 State officials are now confirming.
The ban, which comes decades after a 1995 ruling that banned all smoking in enclosed workplaces in California, is set to take effect in all Catholic churches across the state. Governor Jerry Brown (D) of California told the press Thursday that he hoped the move would help pastors who consistently used incense during Mass to quit.
“But in the end, we know that people have their rights, and some priests will continue to use incense, but this law is to insure the safety of our children, and those who are adversely affected by the smoke of others.”
One proponent of the new law told EOTT this morning that he was happy about the changes coming. “As new parents, my wife Betty and I are extremely concerned about second-hand incense,” California resident Kevin Hardy told EOTT.
“In fact, we’ve even heard how bad third-hand incense is for children, and we won’t even allow our priest friend to hold our child if he’s said Mass using incense.”
The new e-Thuribles have a small button near the handle which turns on an atomizer located inside the thurible, and burns what smells like incense, but is in all actuality just vapor.
E-Thurible manufacturer ‘N Sense says they are in the process of creating different thurible flavors including Cherry Slurpee, and Bubblegum Mint.
At press time, Bishop Jaime Soto of Sacramento has released a statement in response to the ruling that reads in part, “What State officials don’t understand is that we in California haven’t even used a thurible in the past few decades. So who’s the suckers now?”
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Cathleen on
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Just to let you all know that the original source for this story is the website: "Eye of the Tiber." Their stuff is satire. The "tip-off" for me was the mention of Bubblegum Mint for incense "flavors." Unfortunately, for how crazy things are now, esp. in California, it wouldn't be too far-fetched for such a thing to happen. :-S
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Permalink Reply by Dawn Marie on
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ohhh my gosh, I was totally duped! Thank you Cathleen. I gotta say I was steaming about it for 2 days.
I'm an idiot!
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Btw I'll be deleting this
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DM said:ohhh my gosh, I was totally duped! Thank you Cathleen. I gotta say I was steaming about it for 2 days.
I'm an idiot!
No, you're not. I didn't catch it at first either. I just thought it was some other crazy, foolish thing out of California. ;-D
I have been an idiot like that more than once, so welcome to the Funny Farm! ;-D I like to think that it keeps me humble. :-p
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Permalink Reply by Birgitta on
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It took me a moment to catch on-- there are so many crazy laws by Big Brother, that I wan't sure for a minute.
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I was at the store and saw those incense sticks they sell down the one aisle and that reminded me of this article. I was doing a slow burn from then on thinking about the dope who would say they don't let their priest go near their child after he uses incense etc etc. I really thought, California is insane.
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Eye of the Tiber's stuff is sometimes so well-written (and so close to the mark) that at first you're thinking....."Oh, what now? What new craziness have they come up with?" Sadly it is because things in both the Church and the world are so nutty. Diabolical disorientation indeed! I sometimes feel like I don't know which end is up after reading the news headlines! This site is my oasis of sanity online. :-p
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