Thread for Funnies :)))

[Dawn Marie]

[David Kaftal]

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

[Cathleen]

Surprisingly enough, "St. Peter" bears a startling resemblence to another "Peter" we all know and love.........when "St. Peter" started eating peanuts, the light bulb went off over The Novena Organizer's head (no, it wasn't a halo)........

Peter Baxter said:

A Novena organizer for the Crusaders of the Immaculate Heart (The Royalty of all Trades) dies in a car accident on her 50th birthday and finds herself at the Pearly Gates.

A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting her name, “Cathleen, Cathleen Cathleen” and absolutely everyone wants to shake her hand.

Just when she thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting her personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes her hand, and says, "Congratulations, we've been waiting a long time for you."

"Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the Novena organizer for the Crusaders of the Immaculate Heart ( The Royalty of all Trades) sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive. Is it because I'm a Novena organizer for the Crusaders of the Immaculate Heart  ( The Royalty of all Trades )

"Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the woman's modesty.
"We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old!  God himself wants to see you!"

Novena organizer for the Crusaders of the Immaculate Heart  ( The Royalty of all Trades) is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with her mouth wide open.

When she regains her power of speech, she looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be fifty."

"That's simply impossible," says Saint Peter, "We've added up all your time sheets."

[David Kaftal]

Oh, THAT St. Peter.

[Dawn Marie]

[Alley]

LOL

Cathleen said:

Surprisingly enough, "St. Peter" bears a startling resemblence to another "Peter" we all know and love.........when "St. Peter" started eating peanuts, the light bulb went off over The Novena Organizer's head (no, it wasn't a halo)........

Peter Baxter said:

A Novena organizer for the Crusaders of the Immaculate Heart (The Royalty of all Trades) dies in a car accident on her 50th birthday and finds herself at the Pearly Gates.

A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting her name, “Cathleen, Cathleen Cathleen” and absolutely everyone wants to shake her hand.

Just when she thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting her personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes her hand, and says, "Congratulations, we've been waiting a long time for you."

"Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the Novena organizer for the Crusaders of the Immaculate Heart ( The Royalty of all Trades) sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive. Is it because I'm a Novena organizer for the Crusaders of the Immaculate Heart  ( The Royalty of all Trades )

"Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the woman's modesty.
"We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old!  God himself wants to see you!"

Novena organizer for the Crusaders of the Immaculate Heart  ( The Royalty of all Trades) is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with her mouth wide open.

When she regains her power of speech, she looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be fifty."

"That's simply impossible," says Saint Peter, "We've added up all your time sheets."

[Alley]

I love that poem coffee coffee coffee some mornings I cannot get it out of my head,

Dawn Marie said:

[Dawn Marie]

teeeheee

Alley said:

I love that poem coffee coffee coffee some mornings I cannot get it out of my head,

Dawn Marie said:

[David Kaftal]

[Cathleen]

David, that is too funny............and sadly all too true, with those two nitwits in charge.  :-p 

[Alley]

I second that Cathleen! LOL 

Cathleen said:

David, that is too funny............and sadly all too true, with those two nitwits in charge.  :-p 

[David Kaftal]

[Cathleen]

David!  That's what you look like in the morning!   I didn't recognize you without a bear chasing you............