PRAYERS TO OUR LADY

Thread for Funnies :)))

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Permalink Reply by Dawn Marie on January 15, 2015 at 6:35pm

The plot thickens...dundadundaaa

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Permalink Reply by Cathleen on January 16, 2015 at 4:46pm

Peter trudged into his condo at the Crusaders Condo Complex and wearily sank into his large, cushy, easy chair. He was physically and mentally tired, after working out at the gym.....but today he had successfully bent over and tied BOTH shoes....

......but then another hard day at the office, with having to listen to all those women chattering and the caterwauling, singing of the new accountant all day....it was enough to drive any sane man to drink. Peter had two stiff brandies, along with large handfuls of peanuts.

Soon, Peter nodded off. He dreamed that he was at a beautiful opera house on a lovely, large harbor. Boats were sailing by, their sails echoed in the large white "sails" of the opera house. Peter had been looking forward to the concert for a long time and eagerly sat down in his wide seat. A famous tenor was to give a performance.

A tuxedo clad gentleman came out in front of the crowd and the audience quieted down. "Ladies and gentlemen, due to unforeseen circumstances, Mr. Alan has come down with laryngitis and will be unable to sing for you tonight. But a famous soprano has graciously agreed to substitute for him. She will sing a large variety of songs for you, starting with our very own Aussie national anthem. Please rise!"

"Oh, no!" thought Peter, "It can't be!" But indeed, he immediately recognized the large woman who came strolling out onto the stage, snapping her gum. "Look out, everyone! Now you're in for it!" Peter exclaimed to nearby audience members, who looked at him and then each other in consternation. Some burly ushers came down the aisle. "Please, sir, come with me, " said the largest usher.

The saga continues.....what happens to Peter now? :-o

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Permalink Reply by Dawn Marie on January 18, 2015 at 6:35am

And now a word from our sponsors...(a short commercial for hair trimmers) :)))

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Permalink Reply by Cathleen on January 19, 2015 at 7:30am

Peter woke with a start, spilling his leftover brandy all over himself. Oh, Thank Heaven, it was only a bad dream....he wasn't really in that lovely white-sailed opera house in the greatest harbor and country in the world....he was back in his own chair, far away from that maddening crowd. And, more importantly, far away from That Woman and her voice.

Peter decided to go for a short drive in the motorized rickshaw, in order to clear his head. Nothing like going 120 km/hr down the road to clear your head. And, thanks to That Woman and her magic with numbers, the rickshaw only had 154,567 km on it (instead of 554,567km).

But Peter didn't get very far before the rickshaw showed its true age and mileage and started making a horrible clanking noise. Peter was stuck alongside the road. Fortunately he always carried his cell phone, and Peter quickly dialed up his friends DM and Alley to come save him.

"Oh, right, Peter....well, we'll send someone 'round shortly to pick you up with a tow truck," replied Alley.

Soon, Peter saw a very large tow truck trundling down the road. The truck pulled up and the very large woman driver rolled down her window, snapped her gum and said, "So, you broke the rickshaw, eh? Ok, toots, we'll get you back on the road in no time."

For once, Peter was at a loss for words.......

To be continued..........

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Permalink Reply by Cathleen on January 20, 2015 at 3:12pm

Peter bounced and jounced down the bumpy road. He didn't know which was worse....the Large Woman's driving, her snapping gum or her screeching singing along with the radio.

"Here, help yourself to some peanuts, Toots!" said the woman, shoving a paper bag in Peter's direction.

"No, thank you," replied Peter, ever the Gentleman, even though he was feeling slightly seasick.

Soon the bright lights of the Crusaders Condo Complex came into view and Peter started feeling better. "Finally - back to civilization..." thought Peter. And not a moment to soon, as "Waltzing Matilda" came onto the radio.

"Here ya are, Toots!" said the Large Woman cheerfully. "That'll be $200 Aussie. No cheques, no credit cards. Strictly cash."

"But, but, but....Ah dont have any money," replied Peter mournfully.

The large woman looked at him with disdain. "Oh fine, just 'cause I felt sorry for you. No worries that a poor woman like me has to work two or three jobs just to make a living." (That explains why she keeps showing up everywhere, thought Peter)

"Poor woman, my foot," muttered Peter but then he stifled his giggle when he saw the woman look at him with fire in her eyes. "Well, thank you for your kindness," said Peter (Ever the Gentleman).

The woman hopped out of her truck and unchained the rickshaw, which looked considerably worse for wear. So did Peter after that trip.

Now what happens to our Hero?