Thread for Funnies :)))

[Dawn Marie]

[Alley]

yeah me too lol

[Sarah Louise Rita Armstrong]

[Alley]

Laughing so hard ALPACA lunch

[Sarah Louise Rita Armstrong]

[Cathleen]

ROFL!  Love the one with the cat on it.  ROFL!  :-D

[Cathleen]

Peter's favorite sport was golf.  His long-suffering wife enjoyed going to antiques auctions.

One night, Peter shouted out "Fore!" in his sleep.

Mrs. Baxter sleepily replied, "Four fifty!"

[Alley]

LOL

[Sarah Louise Rita Armstrong]

I couldn't stop laughing when I heard this for the first time........

Each man gives a story*

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected someone has been stealing things from my house, so today I came home early to try to catch the person. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."

*I put this up again because I fixed an inappropriate bit towards the beginning. I copied it from a site but first saw it in the Children's Eucharistic Crusader Bulliten - Father must have changed the inappropriate bit to: "I've suspected someone has been stealing things from my house, so today I came home early to try to catch the person." Sorry about that. :)*

I couldn't stop laughing when I heard this for the first time........

Each man gives a story*

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected someone has been stealing things from my house, so today I came home early to try to catch the person. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."

*I put this up again because I fixed an inappropriate bit towards the beginning. I copied it from a site but first saw it in the Children's Eucharistic Crusader Bulliten - Father must have changed the inappropriate bit to: "I've suspected someone has been stealing things from my house, so today I came home early to try to catch the person." Sorry about that. :)*

[Cathleen]

Peter walked quickly into Alley's florist shop.

"Oh, hello, Peter," said Alley brightly.  "What can I get for you today?"

"I need some geraniums, pink ones," replied Peter.

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Alley, "I don't have any geraniums at all.  How about some nice African violets?  There are some nice pink ones."

"No," said Peter sadly, "it has to be geraniums.  I was supposed to water them while my wife was on winter holiday."

[Alley]

LOL

[Dawn Marie]

Teehheeee

[Cathleen]

Peter was getting tired of all the teasing and heckling.  He had merely answered a "Help Wanted" ad for the Crusaders but had not bargained for all the so-called "office jokes" or for being the brunt of most of them.  Grabbing a LARGE handful (or two) of the Free Office Peanuts from the bowl on the counter, Peter stalked out of the Crusaders Office and down the street to the Roadkill Grill & Pizzeria for dinner. 

But later that night, Peter tossed and turned in his sleep.  He wasn't sure if it was the LARGE handful (or two) of peanuts or the " 'Roo on a Stick" special from the diner, but he was having weird dreams.

Peter dreamed that he was a human cannonball at a circus.  Night after night, he was shot out of the cannon, high over the heads of the cheering crowds.  After awhile, Peter (in his dream) got tired of this.  He went to the circus manager (Alan) and said that he quit.

"Oh, no, Peter!" said Alan in distress.  "You can't go!  Wherever am I going to get someone of your caliber for the job?"